Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Month of May

I had a sweet phone call from an amazing person today that really helped me out so much. I've been bottling up my emotions for so long that I was just bound to burst at any moment. I have been staying clear of blogging because I always think that... they, the millions of people who read this blog, don't wanna read what little old Jamie has to say. I mean come on... shouldn't she be better now? To tell you the truth I feel like I'm just on the first step of that ladder that I was talking about earlier. I've made it out of the ground but I only have one foot on the step. Maybe I'm afraid to start climbing again to be honest, I'm afraid that I'll climb an climb only to be knocked down again.

Mothers day is always hard. Just trying to remember how to inhale and exhale, and in which order, and to repeat the process in its entirety, all day, every day, after the death of Nora seems like a hard thing to do. I have my dream job (stay at home mommy), my dream husband, a loving family, awesome church, strong faith, my children who are the cherries on top.. but I'm forever incomplete without the cherries that are missing from my sundae.

Who ever decided that Memorial day should come right after mothers day should be checked out for mental issues. First I'm slammed with memories of my daughter who is missing from our lives and then I get slammed again with the thought of going to her grave... that darn place that no matter what kind of flowers I bring is always hard to step out of the car. I feel bad for Justin. Our anniversary is jammed in between the 2 Holidays and I feel like I think more about her during the month of May rather than him who is everything to me. I take him for granted so much and I just hope and pray that he knows how much he means to me... even if we argue about where and how the tomato plants should go in. LOL.

Well enough for today I guess. I'm sure I'll be back with more ramblings~

9 comments:

Darwin + Kiara said...

Jamie,

I was SO GLAD to see an update post from you! I've honestly been thinking about you a lot (I don't know if you saw the comment I recently left on your birthday post for Nora). My husband and I lost a baby last month at 16.5 weeks gestation. Our little Nastassia Grace had Down's Syndrome. Your story about Nora came to my mind shortly after we found out at 13 weeks that our sweet baby had problems and that there was a good chance we would lose her, which we did, the day before Easter.

It's been SUPER hard, and I know that you know how we feel and you know what we're going through. Please know that I'm so grateful you've shared such personal thoughts and feelings about Nora, because it has helped me tremendously as my husband and I are struggling through a similar trial, although our baby didn't make it as far as Nora did, and I'm sure if we would have made it further into our pregnancy it would have made it even harder to lose our sweet baby the more we got attached. Not that losing her at 16 weeks made it easier either. I still dream of holding my sweet baby girl in my arms (not just my hand) and being able to kiss her sweet little cheeks someday.

I have good days and bad days, and I'm sure that roller coaster will continue for a long time to come, but I find such peace and comfort in the Gospel and knowing that we'll get to raise Nastassia someday.

Keep in touch, okay? Keep your chin up and know that I love you and your amazing example.

You should check out my blog, and plan to do the Running with Angels 5k with us next year. It was amazing to be there with so many other families who have lost little ones. It has helped us to know we're not the only ones dealing with such a difficult loss.

Thanks again for sharing your story and your thoughts. You're such an amazing woman and I totally look up to you!

Love,
Kiara
kiarwin.blogspot.com

maddsolutiononline said...

KND Digital: Our high qualified personnel take care about you and your business when it comes to web development for Brisbane market. We are providing to our clients web development services in order to attract viewers, to help them promoting their products or services. To succeed in offering web development to the customers in Brisbane, we use all our resources and all our skills.
web design Brisbane
Brisbane web design
seo brisbane
ecommerce Brisbane
social marketing Brisbane
web development Brisbane
Magento developer brisbane
content marketing Brisbane
http://www.knd.com.au

Logintrans: Schimburi de informatii despre firmele de transport, expeditie, productie si comert.
Bursa de marfuri
Bursa transport
Marfa
Transport
Transport international
Transport marfa
Transport rutier
Expeditie
Logistica
Casa expeditie
http://www.logintrans.ro

maddsolutiononline said...

Expert Training va ofera o gama variata de cursuri acreditate si cursuri calificare. Va asteptam.
curs calificare
inspector resurse umane
cursuri acreditate
Curs calificare inspector resurse umane
http://www.experttraining.ro

BRISBANE GIRLS GRAMMAR SCHOOL is considered the best girls school Brisbane. We offer a proper education and help to the girls to become the future ladies of the society. The students have access to the information that the best girls school Brisbane assures. Our students will have the opportunity to develop their skills in one of our clubs and this is characteristic which make us the best girls school Brisbane. One of the benefits that best girls school Brisbane provides is the growth of students in academic and personal life.
best girls school Brisbane
independent schools in Brisbane
private girls schools
private girls schools in Brisbane
Private schools in Brisbane
top high schools in Brisbane
http://www.bggs.qld.edu.au

maddsolutiononline said...

Considering that clients are our most valuable assets, we are putting our best effort in offering them the services of our specialized franchise lawyers. The Franchise lawyers that Redchip has are experienced and well trained to take good care of your business. The franchise lawyer will act in your best interest even if it is just an advice or an entire process.
brisbane lawyers
lawyers brisbane
commercial disputes
commercial litigation
franchise lawyer
property lawyer brisbane
commercial lawyer Brisbane
dispute resolution brisbane
estate planning brisbane
asset protection brisbane
tax lawyer brisbane
business structuring brisbane
commercial disputes brisbane
franchise solicitor brisbane
commercial litigation brisbane
http://www.redchip.com.au

maddsolutiononline said...

Shineclinic: Aging is a problem for all of us, and when the lotions do not accomplish their goals we go further. This means using a dermal filler treatment. There is nothing shameless in doing it. Everyone does the dermal filler no matter if they are men or women. We all want to feel go
Microdermabrasion
Dermal fillers
Skin Clinic Brisbane
Botox Brisbane
cosmetic clinic Brisbane
clinic Brisbane
http://www.shineclinic.com



Olemus: Working with skilled house builders from Brisbane we took our projects to a high level of performance. Our clients have the benefit of enjoying their new home with doing anything. The house builders in Brisbane are ecognized by excellent work that they have done creating exclusive and unique places to live in. You have to tell us your dreams, and with the help of our house builders from Brisbane will make it become true.
house builders brisbane
home builder brisbane
home renovations Brisbane
http://www.olemus.com.au

maddsolutiononline said...

Rothbury Hotel: Thinking about your needs and desires we developed special services when it comes to accommodation Brisbane CBD. We offer you accommodation Brisbane CBD special packages that conceived just for you, our customers in order to choose the best. The accommodation Brisbane CBD has trained stuff that will make you journey easier and relaxing.
brisbane hotels
hotel accommodation brisbane
accommodation brisbane cbd
hotel brisbane cbd
http://www.rothburyhotel.com.au

Allstar Orthodontics : When you are looking for an orthodontist in Brisbane you are interested to receive the best services . Our orthodontist in Brisbane will provide the high quality services in order u to enjoy the results. Our orthodontist in Brisbane will give you a reason to smile every time you look in the mirror. With the help of the last minute technology and materials used to treat you, the orthodontist in Brisbane will guarantee the success.
Brisbane orthodontist
Orthodontist Brisbane
Dental braces
Braces for Adults
Braces for children
Braces for Teenagers
http://www.allstarorthodontics.com.au

maddsolutiononline said...

www.usi-interioare.ro : Va punem la dispozitie modele de usi interioare de unde puteti alege dupa preferinte. Imbinand tehnicile de realizare cu materile de calitate va oferim usi interioare de inalta clasa rezistente in timp. Usile interioare oferite vor completa ambientul locuintelor avand calitati deosebite de structura si aspect.
usi de interior
usi interioare
usi la comanda
http://www.usi-interioare.ro


If you choose to get caravan insurance you should come to Aussie Leisure Loans . The caravan insurance was conceived thinking about you. Caravan insurance option will make you and your family feel safe. Even if you are careful on the roads, the accidents happen and the caravan insurance that we offer comes with protection and reliability.
caravan insurance
Caravan lease
caravan finance
caravan loans
caravan leasing
caravan loan calculator
caravan loans australia
http://www.aussieleisureloans.com.au

maddsolutiononline said...

Aussie Boat Loans offers a wide range of products and one of them is boat insurance that provide a loan protection insurance or extended warranty. Boat insurance guaranties you the protection in case of accidental loss, damages, properties , death or injuries. Aussie Boat Loans has the enthusiastic customer service to listen to your needs in order toimprove our boat insurance service .
boat insurance
boat lease
boat leasing
boat loan interest rates
boat finance interest rates
boat financing
boat loan financing
boat loans
boat finance
marine finance
boat loan calculator
boat finance calculator
boat loans calculator
boat finance rates
boat loans australia
boat finance australia
used boat loans
new boat loans
http://www.aussieboatloans.com.au

maddsolutiononline said...

Aussie Car Loans are the experts in getting you the best deal in car finance when it comes to the purchase of a new or a used vehicle. To help the customers, Aussie Car Loans has offered for more than ten years the finance options that match to the wishes of the clients including personal car finance and business finance. Car finance option provides you a deal which will fit better to you situation
car insurance
car finance
car loans for self employed
aussie car loans
bad credit car loan
cheap car loans
bad credit car finance
second chance car loans
car loan protection
car loan online application
http://www.aussiecarloans.com.au