Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Month of May

I had a sweet phone call from an amazing person today that really helped me out so much. I've been bottling up my emotions for so long that I was just bound to burst at any moment. I have been staying clear of blogging because I always think that... they, the millions of people who read this blog, don't wanna read what little old Jamie has to say. I mean come on... shouldn't she be better now? To tell you the truth I feel like I'm just on the first step of that ladder that I was talking about earlier. I've made it out of the ground but I only have one foot on the step. Maybe I'm afraid to start climbing again to be honest, I'm afraid that I'll climb an climb only to be knocked down again.

Mothers day is always hard. Just trying to remember how to inhale and exhale, and in which order, and to repeat the process in its entirety, all day, every day, after the death of Nora seems like a hard thing to do. I have my dream job (stay at home mommy), my dream husband, a loving family, awesome church, strong faith, my children who are the cherries on top.. but I'm forever incomplete without the cherries that are missing from my sundae.

Who ever decided that Memorial day should come right after mothers day should be checked out for mental issues. First I'm slammed with memories of my daughter who is missing from our lives and then I get slammed again with the thought of going to her grave... that darn place that no matter what kind of flowers I bring is always hard to step out of the car. I feel bad for Justin. Our anniversary is jammed in between the 2 Holidays and I feel like I think more about her during the month of May rather than him who is everything to me. I take him for granted so much and I just hope and pray that he knows how much he means to me... even if we argue about where and how the tomato plants should go in. LOL.

Well enough for today I guess. I'm sure I'll be back with more ramblings~