Monday, November 15, 2010

Always me... or NOT!!! UPDATED!

Do you ever feel like everything always happens to you and don't know why?

Well this pregnancy has made me think that.... let me re-phrase that. Because all I wanted was a VBAC and it's looking like I’m not getting my one wish I feel like it's always me! I've been patient. I've been prayerful. I've been calm. I just feel like I can't take another trial right now... I thought "Hey maybe I'll get a break for a bit"

Why in the world do I think I should get a break? If I got a break that means that Heavenly Father didn't care about me and so I know that He does care and He's constantly pushing me for the good. I just wanted this one thing to go my way and I'm being a baby about it.

I need to start not comparing myself to others... I do that way too much and this is what always happens. I get down and depressed. Church didn't help yesterday either...

No joke everyone I saw said "you're still pregnant?!" The first few people who said it to me was fine but after everyone it got really old and I just wanted to say "It's not that hard to look at my belly and see that" I know that people don't want to make you depressed it's just when you are so emotional as it is and you go to church to try and focus on the Lord rather than a silly delivery and instead you get reminded of the thing you would like to keep on the back burner for a few hours it's hard. I couldn't even face relief society... I almost walked in, I peeked my head in and saw that there were no seats and said "Ha! it's a sign to just wait in the hall" Good thing I had a few friends to keep my mind busy.

I cried so long yesterday after church poor Justin thought "What happened to my wife... After church you should come home feeling good" I did feel grateful that I went... the primary program touched my heart and I'm glad that I got to see Beckham up on stage for awhile. I'm also glad that I went because that was officially my last Sunday for a few weeks. Taking the sacrament was a good reminder for me. The real reason we go to church. It was just after sacrament meeting that I didn't enjoy too much lol.

I so am not looking forward to the doctor today. I know what she is going to tell me, "Sorry Jamie, you're still a 1... it's time for the c-section" I was teasing yesterday and said “Hey, I could pull out the tears and see if that would help” but I think she'll get them either way and she's that type of doctor that I think it wouldn’t phase her one bit

Ugh I'm sad today too because of Harry Potter.... Yes, harry potter, wipe the confused looks off your face because you read that right. I've ALWAYS gone to the mid-night showing of Harry Potter... my sister and I are kinda obsessed and this year I just had to tell my mom to sell my tickets. We have the best seats ever too! I keep saying if I have the baby today I could make it... but I’d be just getting out of the hospital and that wouldn't be fun at all... so I’m having to sell them. Knowing Justin he'll take me to it another time and it will be more special because it will be with him. :) Again it's just my mind thinking that... ugh it always happens to me.

Darn mind. Stop making me sad!
Well most likely this will be my last post until I have news to share... Hopefully news that I got to have my VBAC and that he's healthy and has a name LOL. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that I'll still get my VBAC. I still have faith believe it or not.


I am going to miss being pregnant though... and this is one of the reasons....








I've had this for 9 months too... wait 10 months LOL



Well now I’m so embarrassed....


I went to the doctor an emotional wreck today and boy what an experience. I said a quick prayer before the doctor came in to let me accept Heavenly Father's will and that I will be happy that I'm even getting a baby! It came out good news.... I've progressed and so I get to be started tomorrow morning at 7! I'm still in shock and I am just so excited. (Not about the 7 though... ouch that’s early for the Hamblin’s)


Yesterday in our Sunday school class... the Bishop gave good council. Do what you should now before you get tempted by Satan. I've been on my knees asking for forgiveness that Heavenly Father will forgive me. I shouldn't have doubted Him... I need to remember to put Him first no matter what... to always trust Him because He always does what's best for us. I could have saved a lot of tears, stress, and grief if I would have done that first.

So everyone.... learn from my mistake! Be an optimist and trust the LORD!

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Alma 37:33 Preach unto them repentance, and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ; teach them to humble themselves and to be meek and lowly in heart; teach them to withstand every temptation of the devil, with their faith on the Lord Jesus Christ.

9 comments:

Jason-Cassie-George-Pennie said...

Jamie, I am so sorry. I talked to you a lot about it yesterday, I didn't mean to make you feel bad at all. I am so sorry! I should have been more considerate. If you feel the need to take out your over due frustration please feel free to come TP my house, I'll help you!

Brooke said...

Jamie, just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. You have been through so much. This baby is so dang lucky to have you as a mom and your sweet husband and son as Dad and big brother. I hope things go well this week. I've had 3 C-sections and I will tell you that my planned one (annie who just turned 5 on Saturday) was 100 times better than my emergency one with Brandon. Recovery was faster, I felt better faster, everything. I had been trying for a VBAC with Annie but in the end felt that it wouldn't work and it would be dangerous for me. Everyone is different but C-sections is my only way I guess! You will be great and whatever happens I'm praying for a smooth delivery and a healthy baby. Love you! xoxo

aLeXis said...

I am with Cassie on this one. I talked to you about it yesterday too....not to mention all my texting. I am SO SORRY. Please know that it was all done out of love....and I too should have been more considerate. You are so wonderful...and it breaks my heart that you continue to have such difficult days. Please please call me if you need anything...or if you just want to vent (about people like me....who keep asking you about it). :) Love ya lady!

Bethany said...

I am so sorry. I sat behind you in sacrament meeting and just wanted to reach forward and give you a big hug when I saw you there. I can't wait to hear your big announcement and to learn what his name is! Lots of love to you and your family.

DottieLou said...

you are such an example. Good luck tomorrow and may the Lord continue to bless you.

Darwin and Kiara said...

I hope you know how much I've always looked to you as an example, even if we really didn't hang out much in high school. You have such a strong testimony, and we all have down days. I think it's perfectly, 100%, okay to cry on those down days, and then we realize everything will be okay in the end and we pick ourselves up and keep pressing on. You will be in my prayers today, Jamie! I hope all goes well with the delivery and can't wait to see the announcement. I'll be watching your blog closely ;) By the time you read this you'll probably have your little one in your arms and be giving him bunches and bunches of love and kisses. So jealous! But only a few more weeks for me. I have my fingers crossed the time goes quickly :) Love ya, hon!

supermombritt said...

My long lost friend Jamie. I am so happy to hear that your miracle baby is coming. I know my baby healed my heart in ways I did not think possible. When life settles down, let's catch up. Good luck.

Tiffany said...

Congratulations Jamie! I just saw pictures on Justin's facebook. I had to look after I read this post and saw that you were being induced today! I am so happy for you! He sure is a handsome little dude! You are sure one amazing woman. Even when you thing you're being negative, you're not. :) You are always so positive and uplifting. I hope things went well and look forward to a story! Love ya!

Just dandee said...

Love you so much Jamie! I am so extremely happy that all turned out well. I can relate to the typical question of "Are you STILL pregnant?" I got that for the last 3 months of my pregnancy. Not cool. I can't wait to see your new little man.